These crazy eyes are as real as they get. When these come out, you know you’re about to get yours in the worst way, and you avoid doing what you did to bring them out ever again. This possibly resulted in a full-palmed ass whooping or some other form of public humiliation–I’m talking “Mom catching you having sex for the first time on the family couch” pissed off crazy eyes. This type of crazy eyes only came out when you pushed your parent, teacher, or some other authority figure to the point of no return. The best of us have witnessed this rare form of crazy eyes and it scarred us permanently, as well as insured our respect for our elders. Let’s take a trip down memory lane to childhood. Parent, Teacher, Or Authority Figure Crazy Eyes Just say no to the crazy-eyed hottie, unless you like to live on the edge. Beware of this type, because when you stop seeing this one, there’s a good chance she’ll hold a séance with that hair doll and key your car for good measure. Your relationship with this girl typically doesn’t come to a halt until your friends or family meet her–or until you find the hair doll she constructed during her free time while you were at work. They aren’t crazy enough to keep you from hooking up with her or taking her out. She has the face, the hair, and the body, but when you look into her eyes, you can’t help but feel as if she’s sacrificed a few small animals in her life. You may have to file a restraining order or two, but at least it’ll stop this crazy-eyed person from camping out in your bushes at night. Who’s better to show you the type of devotion, persistence, and dedication that everyone deserves than a person who has that terrifying glimmer in his or her crazy eyes that screams, “If I can’t have you, nobody can!” People with this type of crazy eyes lets you know you better think twice before accepting his or her token of affection. Poetry, flowers, mix-tapes, death threats, severed ears in boxes: I’m talking about real, true love. In that case, you better slip her a little something under the table and ask her to keep her crazy eyes on her Salad Niçoise. She’s usually not very dangerous, unless, of course, you cheat her on the amount of alcohol you put in her extra dirty martini. She thought Botox would make her skin look youthful and tight, but it also made her eyes look extra fucking crazy. This lady has spent more money on booze and Botox than all of our student debt combined. Let’s take a look at the most common forms of crazy eyes: Rich Lady Crazy Eyes If I’ve learned anything from my personal experience with people who have crazy eyes (and my study of those various TV episodes) it’s that messing with a crazy-eyed person can truly destroy your mental wellbeing–or at least creep you out a bit. We’ve seen them on “How I Met Your Mother,” “Orange is the New Black,” and “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” These are all great shows, where people can find useful life advice. Crazy eyes come in levels, and it’s in everyone’s best interest to know exactly what those levels are. And crazy eyes are even more complex than the mystery meat that makes up that fast food American treasure. Many people have tried to fully capture its qualities in words, but few have done so successfully. Now that we’ve had a little lesson on what exactly crazy eyes are, how about we dive in a little deeper?Īlthough I have to hand it to Urban Dictionary for a good attempt at accurately describing what crazy eyes are, I like to describe them as I would the McRib. So, basically, it’s just a person’s face and there is nothing he or she can do about it. This person appears to be glaring wide eyed when in fact they are just looking like they normally would.” Crazy eyes are detectable when said person is at a normal restful state and the white part of the eye (the sclera) is clearly visible above and below the colored part of the eye (the iris). “Crazy eyes are typically found in women, but also found in men. What exactly are crazy eyes? Let’s take a look at a formal interpretation from Urban Dictionary. Do babies burst into tears when you look at them? Are most animals alarmed when you make direct eye contact with them? Do they immediately run in the other direction? Do you frequently find people staring at you, assuming it’s because you are ridiculously good looking?Īll of these are symptoms and reactions of crazy eyes, and you could be an unaware sufferer inflicted with this terrible feature.
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